Every good conversation starts with a good listener.
Listening. It sounds so simple, and yet how many of us could say we are a skilled listener?
Last month Donna and I had the pleasure of attending an event at NNU that featured a diverse panel of local youth, the topic was mental health. Those courageous young people had so much to share! When they were asked what one thing they would like the audience to know they all seemed to agree-they just want to be listened to. They want someone that will listen to hear, not someone that listens to respond.
How powerful is that?
After that event I read several studies on listening. I learned that only 20-26% of us are considered skilled listeners. I also learned that many people think that in order to listen you need to be in agreeance, this is not the case! We can have different opinions and still be great listeners. It has been said that when we seek to understand it is the key to later being understood.
I thought I would share some listening tips that I found throughout my research:
*Ask open ended questions
*Be mindful of your body language
*Try to mirror or paraphrase key words or phrases to show interest
*Use empathy
As I looked further into the power of listening, I saw a great example of how a conversation can vary based on the listener:
Conversation 1:
Person A: “Hi, it is so great to see you! How are you?”
Person B: “Oh hey, I am ok…just…really tired.”
Person A: “Oh me too, the shorter days are killing me and work has been so stressful! Are you going to the concert next week?”
Person B: “No, I’m not. I hope you have fun though.”
Conversation 2:
Person A: “Hi, it is so great to see you! How are you?”
Person B: “Oh hey, I am ok…just…really tired.”
Person A: “You sound tired. Would you like to tell me what is going on?”
Person B: “Thank you for asking, I just had a death in my family and am really struggling, I didn’t know who to talk to.”
Isn’t it amazing how empathy and asking the right question can completely change the path of a conversation? Our youth are asking to be listened to. I challenge each of you to consider what opportunities you have when it comes to being a better listener.
I will leave you with a few questions to ponder:
Who in your life needs you to really listen to them?
What distractions impact your ability to be a fully present listener?
What could be achieved if you focused on your ability to listen over the next month?
I would love to hear your thoughts and ideas around being a better listener. Shoot me an email marci.silva@mentoringnetworkid.org I look forward to hearing from you!
Thank you for all you do!
—
Marci Silva
Board Chair
The Mentoring Network Inc.
www.MentoringNetworkID.org
One hour, once a week, transforms lives
